Impermanence

Ravens have begun hanging out in the trees by my window this week. I’ve missed them for decades. I’ve missed our conversations. Maybe they are welcoming me back.

I’ve been feeding Little Dee and Flappy (Da and Dee’s) to get them bigger / fatter so they won’t be as cold in the winter when I won’t be able to feed them anymore.

It’s easy to get lost in thinking about the future – them looking in the window to never see me again. The one who has fed them almost every day of their lives.

FlappylittleDee
Flappy and Little Dee in August.

Right now I will live in my heart.

Advertisements

Sill Life

Friends Charlie and Jane were great to have around.

Here is some of the time we spent together:

Dee Da

Though horrific and murdery out front on the Danforth this week,  in back Da and Dee are raising their offspring!

Babies-IMG_0227
New ones! They don’t have names yet.

Dee has been taking the night shift and Da watches the day time.

A couple days ago some other birds where checking out the area and tried to land on the nest. Da chased them away and came back with a feather in his mouth.

Kick ass Daddy bird!

They probably do way better now they’ve fattened on weeks of choice food from the locally owned bulk store.

Dee prefers organic Sunflower seeds. I tried putting some organic Flax out today and she did her typical – “Yes I’ve seen you put that there, but I’m not eating it… I will instead stare at you from the eaty spot until you pour Sunflower seeds.”

Usually if I wait long enough they will eat any seeds I put down, but they are such good parents, I want to give them what they like.

After they hatched, Da flew away with the egg shells. They kept the nest in great shape until the new ones started pooping everywhere.

Tiny birds wear no diapers.

Da-Shift-IMG_0228
Da shift

Hanuman Yagna

A gentle July breeze comforted after the intense heat wave of previous days. Natural pine fresh air floated through the large tent, mixing with floral, fruit, spice, incense and perfume scents.

Vivid colors played across the tent and immaculate Indian clothing.

I basked in waves of loving reverence flowing through me from the musicians. They repeatedly sang the Hanuman Chalisa over and again, each time fresh as though a different song entirely.

People singing imperfectly blended in beautifully. This was one family singing a song transcending technical limitations.

This was conscious, breathing, heart-beating awareness of the Divine.

This was praise for a god who returns attention with pure LOVE.

It was joy just being love and letting it charge my freshly washed / charged Rose Crystal hanging on my chest. It is a stone helping me remember to live in the heart.

It was the seventh day of the seventh month. His name has seven letters with an offering of 7 bananas.

Looking at friend Walter, I saw a large genuine smile. He was truly enjoying himself.

Soon we would all eat.

hanuman chalisa hindi.jpg

Hello Friend

Been making a short film about a couple pigeons (Charlie and Jane) who were making a family on my planter. The picture is of the more brave/friendly female who hung out taking care of the the eggs.

Jane.jpg
Jane visiting

For years I didn’t want the loud cooing males on my window and was worried about fleas and all that.

Recently I’ve felt it better to give a place of solace for birds in this city which is often short of compassion.

It has been an interesting experience getting to know a couple pairs of birds better.

During this record heatwave, new female “Dee” (as in Bir -Dee) has been getting hot and panting. It’s been fun feeding and spraying her with cool water through the crack by my AC. She enjoys napping after a cool misting.

Dee is staring at me as I type this which is ok, there isn’t much else for her to do days on end sitting on eggs.

 

 

Infinitely Thin

Been getting so very close to the feeling of fuller awareness:

– behind thoughts, a murky fleeting overlay of possible branches

– feeling as if this has all be done before

– thoughts of remembering many times before and every time it seems silly to have forgotten what I now can’t remember

This has all been done before?

There is the possibility no one is listening and everything is heard.

There is the possibility nothing exists and everything exists at once.

Some say this is insanity, but the thought seems a distraction.

img_differences_between_african_and_asian_elephants_1045_600.jpg

Maharajji Maharajji Maharajji

Not lovin It

I live in a McDonald’s desert – equidistant from 4 locations.

Luckily too far to easily walk to any of them when feeling tired.

I wonder how many hundreds of pounds more I would weigh if I lived across the street from one.

Reminds me of years ago when I played a game called the Sims where you live as a little being (sim) with deep needs and little time in a mundane artificial life.

I grew tired of my artificial life and deleted the stove which was the primary form of eating. My sim instead made a BBQ.

I deleted the BBQ. The sim ordered a pizza.

I deleted the phone…

OmManiPadmeHung

Shedding

Putting down my stories and creativity here feels like putting my persona away – hanging a raincoat up on a rack.

Maybe I’ll need the coat again sometime or maybe I’ll just learn to love being in the rain without a jacket.

Maybe.

 

It’s Uncertain, Isn’t It?

It’s been very easy getting lost in what “The Mystery” will be to come.

Are my friends and family the same people they were yesterday? Are they even people?

If whole continents have moved, what am I?

Again and again, ripples of the Lessons for decades have come in one language or another – “Live in Your Heart!”

I’ve been too preoccupied to pay full attention until now.

Learning to live in the Heart is retraining life.

My chest has been cracking open like a bag of fiberglass insulation and in the place of my heart, a glowing egg/ orb which can grow to the size of the universe.

This hasn’t been a gentle process!

A nice short clip from Ram Dass giving a way to get through “The Mystery”:

 

GARUDA

Some recent experiences:

  • smiling at an old couple, seeing them turn from pained sleeping expressions to joy and love.
  • watching a friend spend an evening with a beloved group transform from a place of deep burden and suffering into beaming, loving ease.
  • Clarity and focus to see a worthy path after working through years of muck
  • clearing dark messy energy off myself from past abuse
  • hearing and talking with friends about a crust or layer of skin like a snake one can drop after doing much inner work.

This theme has come up repeatedly but more intensely lately.

This picture is from a vision.

I began working on it, adding the idea of crystals for the light / color areas. I spent weeks at it, trying to get it looking good.

chakra-bird-2
“Crusty” early rough

One day I turned off the part I was struggling with and found a rainbow.

The part hidden below my work was more a proper representation of the original vision than what I worked hard to create.

Letting go of struggle – crust or skin, pure idea remained.

My work on this picture is a perfect reflection of my life.

Garuda-25percent

Out of Balance

Countless Arguments never realized,

May these thoughts dissolve revealing now.

Endless waves of judgment,

May I forgive myself and all beings.

Abuse mountains dominating earth,

May I be accepting right now.

All my fears of future health and security,

May I gently fall back to awareness.

May I see clearly with Love.

May we all be free.

 

 

 

Liminal Mind ep. 3 – Unusual Motel Night

More Liminal Mind posts here.

Many things arrived by my bed, from the crib as a baby watching strange curious beings visit until even last night, seeing blankets of light streak across my light locked room.

One night in particular was quite terrifying as a child. The details are hazy but I think it was in a Banff motel room with my mother and her current man.

I was a young boy in the early-mid 1980’s in this increasingly warm room already scared watching an Unexplained Mystery type show.

I slept in one bed on the far side of the room perpendicular to the door. The other two in a bed closer to the door.

I was woken by a bright light. First it just seemed like a lamp in the top far corner of the room but bright enough I couldn’t see the source.

It stayed this way for some time at first seeming like someone had left a light on, it was annoying at first.

Then grew brighter.

A sound took over the room, growing in volume, beginning to drown out the world.

“Mommy!!” I shouted  repeatedly across the short distance to her. It took a surprisingly long time for her to wake with my voice was being overpowered by the white noise effect of the sound. It seemed almost like she was drugged.

She woke up not understanding the situation but became of aware and began screaming for the man to wake up.

The powerful force grew in intensity while seemingly hovering near the ceiling. I seem to remember bright colors being mixed in.

It pulsed with incredible strength.

My mother screamed – rigid upright full open throat volume but sounded distant and quite ineffective.

Existence became overwhelming.

In the raw terror of the situation, I didn’t think I could handle it anymore.

The next thing I remembered was waking up in a daze to a quiet calm cool morning.

Nothing seemed wrong with the world. Though I forgot the night before, in the back of my young hazy mind I knew everything would be forever different.

om_-symbol